Origin of the Circle

Sarah Sayer
1 day ago
4 min read

Updated: 5 hours ago

We’re looking at what’s currently in your life and dividing everything into three piles: Oneself, Nonself, and Holding Zone. I’m recording this on the day I hit a 90lb weight loss. Now that I know what to do and how to do it, it’s straightforward. But the journey began by doing this exact process. And this is the basis for all sovereign change.

The Circle | Getting clear on What's Yours

The Situation

Let me take you back. I had a wall of qualification certificates to help people sort their lives out—but mine wasn’t exactly thriving. I wasn’t focused. I was living two lives at once: one that looked good on paper, and another that was inconsistent and reactive.

I was an overweight qualified nutritional therapist who didn’t feel fit to work. Who is going to take advice from me? I’d eat well… and then binge. I meditated daily… and then ignored what came up.

I remember doing a Dr Joe meditation when I noticed something strange: when focusing on my throat, my attention drifted left, outside of my body. At the time, I brushed it off, but now I know: it was a sign of disconnection.

Fast forward to lockdown. Sick again [I had an

autoimmune condition], stuck in my flat, and starting to see patterns. I’d done the training, read the books, taken the courses—but I hadn’t cracked the code.

I was still cycling the same issues. And did finally hit me that I wasn’t in a partnership with myself. I was performing roles. And I was fragmented.

Oneself

And then I did something simple that has become a defining moment in my life, but it didn't feel like that at the time: I drew a circle. I wrote down everything I wanted to keep in my life on bits of paper and placed them inside. And I'll tell you now, there wasn't an awful lot there.

Nonself

Everything else went outside and began piling up. I began with the obvious tangible objects, activities, places and experiences and ended up with thoughts and feelings, aspects of myself that I was unhappy with. I unpacked my life and myself, and what I saw really shocked me.

It wasn’t just hard stuff on the outside—it was performance, inconsistency, people-pleasing, roles I didn’t choose. I saw clearly: the divided life I was living. And I also saw that I'd been doing it for my entire life.

The Problem with Disconnection

Here’s the problem. When we don’t have a clear partnership with ourselves, we adapt ourselves to fit scenarios. We become who the moment requires us to be. Instead of just being who we are, regardless of the moment of time we are in.

We take on things we don’t believe in. We fill our lives with junk. And eventually, it clogs our ability to lead ourselves. When we are not strong on the inside, we seek inputs from the outside to deal with those gaps.

Start of the Solution Process

That’s when I started building what I now call Sovereignty Architecture—a way to map and organise my inner world. And I also needed some systems and

structures in place to deal with those aspects of life, and conversations and situations that I found challenging.

So, you can do the same with the three piles with this simple exercise:

Oneself, Nonself & Holding Zone — Diagram: A bit of Sovereignty Architecture

Oneself – What is truly yours. Beliefs, people, objects, responsibilities – all the things you want go in the centre.
Nonself – what’s not yours. Roles, obligations, habits, or people and situations that drain or distort you.
There's also a Holding Zone – what you can’t dump, but also the things you don't want to keep the same in your inner circle. You might need to do some work on them. This is where you pause, adjust, and acknowledge. So, instead of having everything cluttering up in your inner circle, you can place them to the side and then reassess them.

Nonself Domination

When too much Nonself gets into your Oneself space, you get Nonself domination. This is when you get exhausted by life. That’s when the structure collapses. You’re no longer leading your life—you’re just reacting to it.

We all make compromises. Life brings hard things. Illness. Breakups. Difficult parenting. Debt. Tons of stuff. But the first step in every case is acknowledgement—to stop wishing something was different and to start seeing it clearly.

Self-partnership is the most important relationship in your life.

If it’s fragmented, everything else will be too.

And that’s what we’ll explore in the next episode.

The Takeaway

But for now, let’s get a baseline.

Here’s your takeaway, should you choose to take it with you:

Clear some time and clear a table or floor space. Get three bowls or containers.
Label them: Oneself, Nonself, and Holding Zone.
Create some strips of paper and a marker. Write down everything in your life—people, roles, objects, habits. That shit ornament you were gifted that you want to dump but would feel bad about it.
Start sorting. Quickly. No guilt. No second-guessing. Throwing paper strips into bowls.

Oneself bowl – The stuff that makes you, you.
Nonself bowl – The stuff you’re doing out of habit, pressure, or fear.
Holding Zone bowl – The stuff that’s not great, but not ready to go. Use this as your buffer zone. It gives you time to see clearly.

Without Fear or Favour

So, about that ornament: this is a private exercise. You don’t have to justify anything. It’s not about fixing your life today. It’s just about seeing it clearly. You can't beat clarity with a big stick.

No Sponsor, Sad but True

This podcast has no sponsor—but if it did, it would be Sovereignty Architecture, my £27 quid guide to building your inner structure. Do the bowls. Start the shift. If your life is anything like mine was, you’ll be shocked at what shows up.

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Resource mentioned in the episode: Dr Joe Dispenza - Energy Centres Meditations (not an affiliate link)